just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
