Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
