I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
