I am puke
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
