In the future we'll all be gay
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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