you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
