Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
