he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
