U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
