perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
