dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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