im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
