Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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