Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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