woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
