chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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