you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
