The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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