On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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