I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
