i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
