and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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