She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
