I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
