If that was your dad, he is hot
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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