My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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