woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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