dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
