Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
