i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
