All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
God, I missed his penis.
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