If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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