she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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