OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
