Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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