I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
