In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
