my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
