Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
