I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
