I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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