I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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