do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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