eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
