had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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