discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
