hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
