I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
