If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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