I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
