I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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