we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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