You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
