About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize