I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
