Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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