i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
