wanna go halves on a baby?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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