He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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