Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
