butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
