I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
