Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Drake has all the answers
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
