dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
