Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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