My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
