I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
